My Television Marriage Woes

I've decided to evaluate what I'm watching on TV now and decide whether my skin will begin to grow attached to my sofa
if I don't decide to divorce some of the shows I'm watching. That's right, I'm afraid I'm watching TOO MUCH TV.
I actually know I do, but I'm not willing to lessen the TV viewing until I employ a tactic I've learned in countless television shows: Make a Pro's and Con's list, only I'm calling mine my "Divorce or Marry List" (the irony that I'm married to my TV is not lost on me, I promise). Ross made one (on "Friends") when he was deciding between Rachel and that other girl (Julie, I think). Granted, it didn't go too well for him because Rachel found the list. I on the other hand am not worried about my list getting into the wrong hands (can TV really get mad at me for questioning our relationship, because it's clearly an unhealthy one and TV is an inanimate object)?!

Shows I'm Currently Married To:
How I Met Your Mother
The Class (not an avid viewer, catch it when I've had a particularly bad day at work)
Heroes
Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip
Gilmore Girls
House
Veronica Mars
Boston Legal
Lost
Ugly Betty
My Name is Earl (sometimes, not too often)
The Office
The O.C.
Scrubs
Grey's Anatomy
Men in Trees
Desperate Housewives
CSI (I've lost touch with this show this year in attempts to watch The O.C.)

Shows I'm Considering Divorcing and the Reasons Why:
Heroes- The acting is not the best, some of the actors are so bad I find myself shutting off the TV when they are onscreen. Like Ali Larter (could possibly be the character I don't like and not the actress, hard to tell), the guy who plays Mohinder Suresh (yuck, can't stand his acting style. His way of delivering a line is so deliberate and irritating), Masi Oka (I know he was nominated for a Golden Globe, I just don't quite get it. I think my main problem is with the adolescent stupidity of his character). I'm about two steps away from divorcing this program, a few more bad episodes and I'm making it legal.

The Office- I probably won't divorce this one either, at least not this season, but it still annoys me sometimes. I have a hard time with humor that is entirely based on uncomfortable situations. What? I feel that way and I watch this show! Am I insane you ask, because that is basically all The Office is, uncomfortable humor. I watch because it's become a cult phenom and because I enjoy the Jim/Pam relationship and how Jim torments Dwight.

Desperate Housewives- I'm actually surprised I haven't divorced it this season. It was on my divorce list last season too. Teri Hatcher's character drives me nuts and they have Eva Longoria's character do stupid things too that irritate me. But I like Marcia Cross and Felicity Huffman and I like the look of the show, so I hang around Wisteria Lane, even though I don't like half the neighbors.

Shows that You Should Marry:
House- Love Hugh Laurie (Am I the only one who finds him pretty attractive in his crankiness? I must have the Cameron complex).

Veronica Mars- This show's best season was the first one and it's kind of fallen off the pedestal I put it on that first year. However, the acting is so good that I can't help but look forward to it every week.

Scrubs- I've watched this show since the beginning. I told people about it and they ignored me for the first few seasons, then all of a sudden it caught on and people started telling me I HAD to watch this show. Hello people, I was already there, wearing my scrubs and singing "Guy Love."

Ugly Betty- I'm surprised I like it, but only because I wasn't sure I liked it after the first episode but it keeps on getting better and better. Just cute, funny, and stylistically very fun to watch. Favorite characters are: Betty, Mark, Amanda, Hilda and Justin (okay, half the cast).

Legally Separated List:
Gilmore Girls- Now I won't divorce this show really, I'm far too devoted to it. But I'm putting it on the legally separated list because I've been unhappy with the episodes this season and half of last season too. I'm actually a fan of the Lorelai/Christopher relationship, I just didn't like how they got together and how they've acted together. The acting is very strong on this show, and the writing is usually pretty endearing, I just haven't been as wowed by it recently as I have been in the past.

My Name Is Earl- It's quirky and it's fun to see characters that don't live in perfect houses and have perfect jobs and wear perfect clothes portrayed on TV. Although here comes the but. But, Randy's stupidity has turned from endearingly childish to unbelievably stupid, and Jason Lee (who plays Earl and does A LOT of voice-overs) has a very hard to listen to, scratchy, high-pitched voice. I think his voice reminds me of my boss' voice and that's why I cringe everytime I hear it.

Studio 60- I've talked about this show before and how I've never been very certain of my love for it. I'm still not certain. The last episode was a darker departure from previous episodes since it dealt with drug addiction (a good choice since star Matthew Perry and writer Aaron Sorkin both are recovering drug addicts. I say it's a "good" choice not to sound crass, but because "writing what you know" often makes for stronger stories).

Men in Trees- The recent splash of stories of Anne Heche and her boring co-star James Tupper leaving their spouses for eachother in real life is almost enough to turn me off. James Tupper has this really irritating breathy way of delivering lines that makes him sound almost non-verbal. And some of the characters are trying too hard to be quirky. If you want truly quirky characters in a small town that won't irritate you, tune into Gilmore Girls.

Shows I Might Start an Affair With:
Friday Night Lights- I've watched 2 episodes so far, and even though I've never once related to a cheerleader or a jock in my life, I do find this show really well written and acted.

Brothers and Sisters- The actress who played Amy on Everwood is joining the cast this week, so I might be tempted to tune in regularly. I watched last Sunday's episode because I was procrastinating on writing my Master's Thesis, and I found the episode really cute, especially the first 15 minutes or so.

Overall Verdict:
I give myself five years before I'm entirely grown to my sofa, two years if I start up the affairs with the two shows I mentioned. Because as you can see from my above analysis, I probably won't divorce any of these shows any time soon.

Lessons Learned on Rooftops

It's not too often you learn life lessons from TV that actually apply to your life, but The OC and Studio 60 have just taught
me a valuable lesson: Don't go up on a roof of a building because odds are the door locks automatically and you will be stuck there. Not only will you be stuck on the roof, but you will be stuck there with someone you don't like but the Gods want you to spend time with so that you can realize that you really do like them because well, the television writers want you to like them.
Also, according to Studio 60 it gets pretty chilly on those LA rooftops, wear your coat. Another interesting phenomenon is that the doors are locked to begin with. You can get up on the roof but you can't get down. What kind of sense does that make? Are they preventing pigeons from entering the building?

The first rooftop lesson was provided by Jordan McDeere and Danny Tripp on Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip. They go up to the roof to talk about Danny's annoying habit of practically stalking Jordan and OH NO, they get locked on the roof. They get even more trapped when Jordan throws the hide-a-key rock down at a homeless guy to get his attention, only to realize she threw away their one hope of getting down off the roof. And I do have to say that I was rooting for Danny and Jordan to get together, but their first kissing scene kind of made me cringe. Not sure why, I actually don't care to analyze it too much because that would make me far too creepy for my own comfort.

The second rooftop lesson was provided by Seth Cohen and Che on "The OC." Thankfully this episode was Che's last (here's hoping they don't unnecessarily squeeze him into the series finale), because it seems the writer's had created yet another character that they didn't know what to do with once he was created. So they made him obsessed with Seth and freeing groundhogs, not exactly my idea of groundbreaking television (although the groundhog I'm sure did his share of breaking the ground, ha). Once the boys get captured by police and thrown into jail, Che finds love with a groundhog mascot and Seth will hopefully survive the horrible rooftop scene to go bond with Summer.

That ends my after school special of why you shouldn't go on a rooftop; especially with someone you don't like/do like.
Isn't television such a valuable learning tool... just kidding... kind of.